Of Baaps, Betas and Boredom

Now, I know what you're thinking. Why does Sabrina even waste her time picking up the most unappealing DVDs and then proceed to actually watch them? Well, let me put it this way, I was genuinely curious with this one. Curious to see what the overdone comic Priyadarshan had up his sleeve when he decided to replace his favorite Akshay (Kumar) with...well, Akshaye (Khanna). I also recalled that Priyadarshan and this Akshaye did manage to churn out a reasonably funny Hungama some years ago, even if they did follow it up with the disastrous Hulchul. Oh, and I was curious to see what Genelia D'Souza is about, given that she seems to be all the rage at the moment with Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na emerging as the biggest hit of the year thus far.

I know my reviews are always detailed, and this one looks as if it will follow suit. But it will not. Because all I have to say is that this film was one of the biggest wastes of my time. It's a film about nothing. From the first frame to the last, all you do is sit and wonder what on earth the filmmaker is trying to get across. Is it a comedy? No. You hardly laugh. Is it a drama? No. You definitely do not cry. Is it a romance? Absolutely not. There is no Shahrukh Khan flaunting his dimples toward a shy damsel in a white sari atop a mountain in Switzerland.

So what is it? It really is what I just said - a whole lot of nothing. Akshaye does his bit and really isn't given the chance to show off any acting skills, while Paresh Rawal looks bored. Although Genelia is charming as the typical girl-next-door, I must admit.

I would comment on the music, but the fact that I do not remember a single song speaks for itself. I think it is safe to say that we are sick of the Priyadarshan comedies. The least he could do is resort to his lucky mascot Akshay Kumar...that would guarantee him a hit, if nothing else. And clearly, in this case, there really is nothing else to speak of.

A Tale of One Too Many Bachchans

I must begin by saying I found the original Sarkar to be highly overrated. Before the vast majority of you reach for your daggers, I will admit it was good. But to try and remake something so epic as The Godfather series would always leave one treading thin waters, even if that someone was Ram Gopal Varma. Once an esteemed storyteller and director known for delivering critically-acclaimed films like Rangeela, Satya and Company, he for some godforsaken reason lost his marbles and, somewhere along the way, the consequences were ghastly: Darling; Ram Gopal Varma Ki Aag; Nishabd; and Darna Zaroori Hai. While Sarkar Raj, the follow-up to the overblown Sarkar, is a decent attempt at salvaging a fading director's career, it sadly falls extremely short of what could have been.

If Sanjay Leela Bhansali took the color blue in Saawariya and really ran with it, RGV opts for extreme close-ups and shadowy locales in Sarkar Raj. Unfortunately, that is about all he does - shower the audience with playful camera angles, most of the time giving the filming of his story more importance than the characters, dialogues and actual proceedings.

And so we have the Bachchan family, complete with papa Amitabh, beta Abhishek and bahu Aishwarya, coming together for a confusing and seemingly pointless two hours. There is no need to delve into the plot, as it is widely known and can easily be found on the Internet. Essentially it is a concoction of the mafia, a power plant and some caricaturish politicians, with a few Gandhian morals thrown in. Confused? So was I.

Because we are constantly barraged with faces, an overbearing (and repetitive) background score and a number of those splendid moments where RGV chooses to drown out dialogue for music, it is hard to really follow what is happening in the circus that is the Sarkar household or feel for any of the characters, for that matter. From a film-making perspective, RGV's experimentation with the camera is most welcome. But as was the case with Ajay Devgan's directorial debut U, Me Aur Hum, after a while you really have had enough.

The best scenes are often those that draw on the original, such as Amitabh and Abhishek's discussions on Kay Kay Menon's death in the first film (the latter played Amitabh's elder son in the first installment, whom Abhishek himself had to shoot down). Other than that, the climax may come as a surprise, but then the last couple of reels lack any real power.

The worst of the scenes are those in which the tears shed, and RGV opts for the Amitabh Bachchan show, complete with the Yashraj sitar booming alongside his heavy words. Why RGV thought it necessary to transport us to the world of Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham and Mohabbatein is beyond anyone's guess. Isn't this the crime world we're talking about? Surely this is no place for the old headmaster of Gurukul...

Nonetheless, Amitabh of course performs with conviction. He is softer (for the most part) and really takes over in the last half hour or so. Still, one was hoping RGV would have in this case stuck with The Godfather theme and shifted the focus more on Abhishek.

Although it could be that this was made impossible by Abhishek's obvious boredom from start to finish. For any emphasis to occur on his character, the man would have to first actually speak, but God forbid he was made to utter more than a 'no' here and a threat there. Bachchan Jr. can act. He proved so in Yuva and excelled in those affable, Bunty Aur Babli sort of roles. But here, the man simply looks uninterested. He sleepwalks through his role, relying heavily on piercing the camera with his eyes, but let's face it...he is not his father, and it takes a little more than that to garner the audience's empathy.

His wife, on the other hand, is tolerable from an acting standpoint, yet suffers from the most poor character sketch of them all. When she first appears in the film, Aishwarya is depicted as a tough, unyielding sort of businesswoman who has every intention to get what she wants. Cut to all of two scenes later, and she is a teary-eyed lass who falls for the junior Sarkar and suddenly seems to be present in his house, morning, day and night, sitting in on his conversations with senior Sarkar, casually batting her eyelids without so much as two lines. It almost becomes evident that she is there for the sake of being Abhishek's real-life partner, although Mr. RGV would have done well to note that of the pair's five films together, only Guru sent some ripples through the box office.

The rest of the supporting cast comes and goes. Tanisha Mukherjee should very well quit the film industry or take some fast acting tips from sister Kajol. She doesn't really do anything wrong in the film, but at the same time she lacks any screen presence whatsoever (and we all saw in Neal n' Nikki what happens when the girl does try to act).

Verdict? It may be worth the DVD rental, given it is slightly better than the larger amounts of garbage out there at the moment. On the other hand, do we not see enough of the Bachchan trio in the press as it is? You may just want to revisit the old Sarkar or - even better - the old RGV, i.e. the films mentioned at the start of this review.

Ajay, Kajol aur The Notebook...

Making the transition from actor to director is no piece of cake. Not to mention when your name is Ajay Devgan, and your predecessor is a certain Aamir Khan who set soaring expectations post-Taare Zameen Par from any future wannabe actor/director. Except for one thing...

Comparing TZP with U, Me Aur Hum would be like comparing Gandhi: My Father with Race. Two completely different films geared at entirely alag audiences. So while critics galore are beginning their reviews of U, Me Aur Hum by placing Ajay alongside Aamir in a "whose debut is better" contest, I simply begin by warning you that there is nothing at hand that merits such a comparison.

Instead, what you can compare Ajay's work to is those breezy-turned-dramatic romances of the 90's that are now a rare sight. Rather than going into the story, which is by now widely known via the wonder known as the Internet, I will simply say that Ajay's film is a bit of The Notebook blended with a little of Mann (Aamir Khan, Manisha Koirala) and even a touch of A Beautiful Mind.


And so the audience is initially introduced to the lead characters on a cruise ship, sadly a flashback that is so torturous that you wonder if Ajay's film will sink faster than the Titanic. Essentially through 45 minutes of 90's antics and overacting (one wonders what the selection criteria was when casting Ajay's dimwit sidekicks), you sit there in shock, wondering how this can possibly be an accomplished actor's directorial debut.


Cut to the post-ship portions, and suddenly you have a whole new film on your hands. The story chooses to pick up where most other films leave off...what about those people who don't get their happy endings? For once, we see a take on marriage from the perspective of something so common and yet rarely talked about - disease.


"In sickness and in health" go the vows, regardless of anyone's religion or race. Ajay's film becomes a testament to the true meaning of those words and how far most couples will go to live up to the promise they made.


His film spans about 2 hours 30 minutes, and it really is a shame that he wasted nearly 45 minutes on that dreadful ship. While there are some clever details inserted into those introductory moments - little nuances to Kajol's character Pia that the attentive viewer may recall later on - the whole meeting on a cruise/falling in love/parting ways has been done to death. Not to mention the fact that Ajay's humor is silly, to say the least, and he himself is a far cry from being the 'suave' individual he wishes to portray.


What does work is the electrifying chemistry between husband/wife, ever apparent in every frame the two share. Every look, every embrace, every tear seems heartfelt, thus making this one of the most endearing on-screen romances in a long time, as well as saving the film entirely.


And so you have Ajay's unfaltering love for his wife, most convincing when the actor resorts to his tragic best in the second half, and you have Kajol's sheer brilliance. The likes of Preity Zinta, Kareena Kapoor, etc. would do well to watch and study her performance, as it more or less defines the art of natural acting. People may say she's married, finished, retired or whatever you will, but if there is one thing Kajol does prove, it is that almost no modern-day actress has an inch on her.


Sadly, the supporting cast is no more than a pack of buffoons. They all go entirely over the top, save for Sumeet Raghavan as Ajay's best friend, who improves significantly in the latter portions. Isha Sharvani is around to show some skin and flex her body, while Karan Khanna, as her boyfriend, suffers from a serious Zayed Khan hangover. Which, in turn, begs the question: Who actually wants to be like Zayed Khan?


The music, too, leaves a lot to be desired. Those insipid English lyrics that are now commonplace in Hindi songs ruin the proceedings, although Jee Le manages to register somewhat of an impact. Mercifully they are all shot very well, saving some of the headache.


Speaking of which, as a director, Ajay has an eye for interesting shot techniques. His cinematographer does not let him down in the slightest bit, even if some of the hatke angles do verge on overkill. What Ajay also has is the gift of how to weave together scenes from past to present. We can forgive him (ok, we can almost forgive him) the cruise sequences for the incredible manner in which he narrates incidents during Kajol's disease. They are disturbing and poignant, never resorting to the melodrama often associated with showing mental illness in Hindi films.


Overall? While it may not be everyone's cup of tea, nor is it anything path-breaking by any means, U, Me Aur Hum is a nice film. It's a film about hope, it's a film about love, and above all it's a film about commitment. If you can get through the lengthy and mostly unnecessary first half, a pleasant surprise awaits in the second.

Makdee Man?

Rumor has it Shahrukh Khan will be starring in the Indian version of comic book/Hollywood blockbuster Spiderman.

Am I the only person who is slightly disturbed by this?

Last time we checked, our beloved Peter Parker was most certainly not 42. Unless Shahrukh wants to create the first ever Pranay Patel urf dadaji Spidey, we're pretty sure he should leave the building-hopping to a certain Hrithik Roshan.

Then again, if he can romance 21-year-olds, he can become the web-spewing hero. Any guesses for Mary Jane?

Apparently the film will be the most expensive venture to ever be launched, and at this moment Shahrukh is searching for a 12-year-old who can swing through buildings and atop cars along his side.

He could just ask beta Aryan. Although, age-wise, methinks Aryan himself would make a better Spidey...

I'm back.

Get ready.

Most Welcoming

About two years back, Anees Bazmee virtually rose from the dead to give us a surprise hit in the form of No Entry. Taking us back into the David Dhawan-esque comedy of the 90s and resurrecting the comic streak in a fine Anil Kapoor, the film was lapped up by the audiences and critics alike. Now Bazmee returns with the much-publicized Welcome, his take on the 1999 Hugh Grant starrer Mickey Blue Eyes. Interestingly, the film also has shades of another recent Mallika Sherawat release, Shaadi Se Pehle (opposite Akshaye Khanna).

After feeling somewhat bombarded by the hype and publicity surrounding the film, I was a little hesitant that high expectations may result in sore disappointment. In fact, as the first 15 to 20 minutes passed in front of me and very few laughs were had, that sinking feel began to make its present felt. Why did the jokes seem so contrite? Could the ever-so-reliable Akshay Kumar/Paresh Rawal team truly be running out of steam? Maybe director Bazmee was so keen on repeating his previous success that he got carried away this time around.

Until...

Suddenly, along came a scene where Anil literally stops traffic to...paint. I sat up and took notice of a rather humorous exchange between Anil and Akshay, only for almost everything that followed to turn downright hilarious. At one point, I almost wondered if I was watching two entirely different films.

I'll not delve into the plot itself, as most of it is made available through the previews, and the twists are worth seeing for yourself. All one can say is God Bless Nana Patekar. And the aforementioned Kapoor. Both Nana and Anil are what make Welcome everything that it is. Their inane gangsters are probably the most likable characters in the entire film, and yes, they are the same people who kill for a living and ruthlessly force Akshay into an engagement with Katrina. To turn these train-wrecks of people into the more appealing of the lot shows true skill, especially given the fact that they evoke the most thunderous laughter of all. Hats off to Nana, in particular, for playing a character so out of the norm from his usual work and doing so with flying colors. The audience truly lapped up almost his every word and movement.

Of course, both Nana and Anil are ably supported by Akshay and Paresh, both veterans of the "leave-your-brains-behind" humor bracket. Akshay is superb in the first half as the seedha man of principals he portrays, and his shyness around Katrina is both humorous and endearing. Paresh takes his most applauded character to date - that of Baburao from Hera Pheri and mixes him with his stubborn turn in Cheeni Kum. Sadly, both he and Akshay are relegated to the background for a lot of the second half, but since Nana and Anil are quite on top of their game, you don't mind too much.

Katrina looks absolutely stunning, but she is given very little to do other than add the glamor quotient. And after dubbing her own lines in Namastey London and Apne earlier this year, she's back to having her voice dubbed for her. Granted it's the familiar voice that we now associate with the actress, but it would be nice to see her using her own voice after having been around for a couple of years now. Mallika is actually given more meat to show off her funny side, and she does a fair job of it. Although she really is just there as the quintessential sex bomb, and the males around me in the cinema seemed most appreciative.

Feroz Khan is his wacky self. Sometimes one can't but wonder if he is for real, but by now we're used to his queer on-screen persona. Whoever plays his son sure grates on the nerves (even if he is supposed to in the film, at times it's a little unbearable).

If the overall humor and performances lift the films, the length and music drag it down. As said earlier, the film takes its sweet time to pick up. People who rent it on DVD would risk switching it off and missing the revelry that follows once all the characters have been introduced. Also, the last 20 minutes turn into pure Priyadarshan mayhem. And this is not a Priyadarshan film. It gets bad to the extent that you wish you were watching at home with a fast-forward option at hand.

Himesh Reshammiya's music is god awful. The title track is probably the most catchy simply because it graces the TV every five or so minutes on every other Indian channel. Hoth Rasiley
is the most interesting and elevated by Malaika Arora-Khan's sensuous appearance. Much to the audience's dismay, the first song we are subjected to is the agonizing Kola Laka Vellari, for which even Google is yet to come up with an explanation. It's tortuous so much so that I heard groans from various sectors of the screening room. Fortunately, the remainder of the songs are shot keeping the comedy alive, hence it is a riot to watch Anil and Nana's antics in insha'Allah and Kiya Kiya.

Essentially, it's a brainless film with all the wit in the world. It is absolutely incredulous and yet leaves you in hysterics more often than not. Some sluggish pacing at the start and end plus inferior music is not enough reason to not go see the film, and Anil and Nana alone are enough reason to go have a look.

Verdict? Worth your RSVP.

Saa-What Now?

Suffice to say, this review is slightly late. Not only has Sanjay Leela Bhansali's magnum opus Saawariya already crashed and burned at the box office, but fairly most of you have also been warned against inflicting its wrath upon yourselves. Especially when, pitted against it, was a far more entertaining Om Shanti Om. Nevertheless, after finally getting around to watching the film, it is only fair that I get to share my two cents on whether new kids on the block Ranbir and Sonam Kapoor are really all that and more. The simple answer to the latter is that they are, best put, promising (more so the Mr. than his leading lady).

Saawariya, quite simply, is a story of love, in all of its manifestations and with all of its trials and tribulations. It's about a happy-go-lucky boy who chances upon a damsel in distress, the friendship that evolves between them and the twist and turns that take their love story into the unexpected (or so they had hoped; in reality it's all very predictable).

It would be difficult to elaborate on the story itself, because there isn't really one as such. Bhansali takes Dostoevsky's short story White Nights and decides to really run with it. Sadly, the man runs in the entirely wrong direction, and someone somewhere along the way forget to tell him. Like his prior adaptation of Devdas, the director devotes all of his attention to the sets, costumes and look of the film, not realizing that it is actually a very simple tale at hand (i.e. there is no need for the gargantuan Venetian nightmare, pretty as it may be, nor should Ranbir be prancing around in silk and satin garments that look a little too pricey to have been sewn for a poor musician).

At least in Devdas, we were able to seek comfort in exuberant performances, superior dance sequences, a steady pace and an overall solid piece of directing. The main problem with Saawariya lies in the fact that it almost looks as if there is no director behind the camera, and the two kids are just living out any day from their childhood as they laugh, crack jokes and revel in the sort of on-screen camaraderie that shows two friends, at best, and hardly anyone who is in love.

In between their interactions we are also subjected to a highly irritating angle involving Zohra Sehgal, a role that was meant to come across endearing and instead falls flat on its face. There is also a highly underdeveloped sidetrack involving Salman Khan, who puts on his best "only for you, Sanjay" face and sleepwalks through his role. Rani Mukherjee plays Ranbir's prostitute friend, maybe because she enjoyed it so much in Laaga Chunari Mein Daag?

So you are made to sit through 2 hours and 20 minutes of what is essentially nothing, admirable as the cinematography and visuals may be. In fact, visually-speaking, it is a work of art...so put in a museum, not the cinema hall.

Most disappointing is Sonam's character sketch; her Sakina is a girl with almost no depth, and her entire interaction with Salman is so vague and poorly drawn-out that you are unable to feel anything for the character at all. And given the film largely revolves around her and Ranbir alone, it is highly necessary to at least somewhat empathize with the young lady who so intoxicates Ranbir that he can think of no one but her. Sonam, for her part, does a decent job with what she is given. She's undeniably pretty, but breaking into a giggle every five minutes hardly gives her any scope in what could have been a smashing debut.

Ranbir, on the other hand, scores big time in his first outing. His character is over-the-top, he is made to do some rather obnoxious (not to mention homoerotic, e.g. towel scene) sequences, and yet he manages to do them almost naturally. At times he overdoes it, but for his first film it's a very confident debut. Yes, there is somewhat of a Hrithik Roshan hangover in his mannerisms, enthusiasm and dance moves, but who doesn't try to recreate Hrithik's debut nowadays?

Rani does well and looks gorgeous, but her role is rather inconsequential. Both she and Salman (who literally does nothing other than mouth "hey, look at me, I'm Muslim" words like Assalamu alaikum, Khuda Hafiz and insha'Allah) are given such insipid roles that you feel for them for owing Sanjay enough to have to appear in the film to begin with.

The music is fantastic, no doubt. Although there is a song every five or so minutes, given the slow proceedings in the actual plot, you sit and pine for another song (which to me is always the sign of a bad film).

Call it expectations, if you will. Or just call it faith in a director who is capable of so much more. Whatever you want to call it, the only outcome 'it' has is disappointment. Maybe it's enough to watch for its visual beauty, Ranbir's "be all that I can be" attitude and some lovely tunes. Just prepare yourself for a confusing journey with one ultimate destination: Boredom.

Verdict? If you absolutely must, watch it for the sake of the kids (not yours - Rishi and Anil's).