Most Welcoming

About two years back, Anees Bazmee virtually rose from the dead to give us a surprise hit in the form of No Entry. Taking us back into the David Dhawan-esque comedy of the 90s and resurrecting the comic streak in a fine Anil Kapoor, the film was lapped up by the audiences and critics alike. Now Bazmee returns with the much-publicized Welcome, his take on the 1999 Hugh Grant starrer Mickey Blue Eyes. Interestingly, the film also has shades of another recent Mallika Sherawat release, Shaadi Se Pehle (opposite Akshaye Khanna).

After feeling somewhat bombarded by the hype and publicity surrounding the film, I was a little hesitant that high expectations may result in sore disappointment. In fact, as the first 15 to 20 minutes passed in front of me and very few laughs were had, that sinking feel began to make its present felt. Why did the jokes seem so contrite? Could the ever-so-reliable Akshay Kumar/Paresh Rawal team truly be running out of steam? Maybe director Bazmee was so keen on repeating his previous success that he got carried away this time around.

Until...

Suddenly, along came a scene where Anil literally stops traffic to...paint. I sat up and took notice of a rather humorous exchange between Anil and Akshay, only for almost everything that followed to turn downright hilarious. At one point, I almost wondered if I was watching two entirely different films.

I'll not delve into the plot itself, as most of it is made available through the previews, and the twists are worth seeing for yourself. All one can say is God Bless Nana Patekar. And the aforementioned Kapoor. Both Nana and Anil are what make Welcome everything that it is. Their inane gangsters are probably the most likable characters in the entire film, and yes, they are the same people who kill for a living and ruthlessly force Akshay into an engagement with Katrina. To turn these train-wrecks of people into the more appealing of the lot shows true skill, especially given the fact that they evoke the most thunderous laughter of all. Hats off to Nana, in particular, for playing a character so out of the norm from his usual work and doing so with flying colors. The audience truly lapped up almost his every word and movement.

Of course, both Nana and Anil are ably supported by Akshay and Paresh, both veterans of the "leave-your-brains-behind" humor bracket. Akshay is superb in the first half as the seedha man of principals he portrays, and his shyness around Katrina is both humorous and endearing. Paresh takes his most applauded character to date - that of Baburao from Hera Pheri and mixes him with his stubborn turn in Cheeni Kum. Sadly, both he and Akshay are relegated to the background for a lot of the second half, but since Nana and Anil are quite on top of their game, you don't mind too much.

Katrina looks absolutely stunning, but she is given very little to do other than add the glamor quotient. And after dubbing her own lines in Namastey London and Apne earlier this year, she's back to having her voice dubbed for her. Granted it's the familiar voice that we now associate with the actress, but it would be nice to see her using her own voice after having been around for a couple of years now. Mallika is actually given more meat to show off her funny side, and she does a fair job of it. Although she really is just there as the quintessential sex bomb, and the males around me in the cinema seemed most appreciative.

Feroz Khan is his wacky self. Sometimes one can't but wonder if he is for real, but by now we're used to his queer on-screen persona. Whoever plays his son sure grates on the nerves (even if he is supposed to in the film, at times it's a little unbearable).

If the overall humor and performances lift the films, the length and music drag it down. As said earlier, the film takes its sweet time to pick up. People who rent it on DVD would risk switching it off and missing the revelry that follows once all the characters have been introduced. Also, the last 20 minutes turn into pure Priyadarshan mayhem. And this is not a Priyadarshan film. It gets bad to the extent that you wish you were watching at home with a fast-forward option at hand.

Himesh Reshammiya's music is god awful. The title track is probably the most catchy simply because it graces the TV every five or so minutes on every other Indian channel. Hoth Rasiley
is the most interesting and elevated by Malaika Arora-Khan's sensuous appearance. Much to the audience's dismay, the first song we are subjected to is the agonizing Kola Laka Vellari, for which even Google is yet to come up with an explanation. It's tortuous so much so that I heard groans from various sectors of the screening room. Fortunately, the remainder of the songs are shot keeping the comedy alive, hence it is a riot to watch Anil and Nana's antics in insha'Allah and Kiya Kiya.

Essentially, it's a brainless film with all the wit in the world. It is absolutely incredulous and yet leaves you in hysterics more often than not. Some sluggish pacing at the start and end plus inferior music is not enough reason to not go see the film, and Anil and Nana alone are enough reason to go have a look.

Verdict? Worth your RSVP.

Saa-What Now?

Suffice to say, this review is slightly late. Not only has Sanjay Leela Bhansali's magnum opus Saawariya already crashed and burned at the box office, but fairly most of you have also been warned against inflicting its wrath upon yourselves. Especially when, pitted against it, was a far more entertaining Om Shanti Om. Nevertheless, after finally getting around to watching the film, it is only fair that I get to share my two cents on whether new kids on the block Ranbir and Sonam Kapoor are really all that and more. The simple answer to the latter is that they are, best put, promising (more so the Mr. than his leading lady).

Saawariya, quite simply, is a story of love, in all of its manifestations and with all of its trials and tribulations. It's about a happy-go-lucky boy who chances upon a damsel in distress, the friendship that evolves between them and the twist and turns that take their love story into the unexpected (or so they had hoped; in reality it's all very predictable).

It would be difficult to elaborate on the story itself, because there isn't really one as such. Bhansali takes Dostoevsky's short story White Nights and decides to really run with it. Sadly, the man runs in the entirely wrong direction, and someone somewhere along the way forget to tell him. Like his prior adaptation of Devdas, the director devotes all of his attention to the sets, costumes and look of the film, not realizing that it is actually a very simple tale at hand (i.e. there is no need for the gargantuan Venetian nightmare, pretty as it may be, nor should Ranbir be prancing around in silk and satin garments that look a little too pricey to have been sewn for a poor musician).

At least in Devdas, we were able to seek comfort in exuberant performances, superior dance sequences, a steady pace and an overall solid piece of directing. The main problem with Saawariya lies in the fact that it almost looks as if there is no director behind the camera, and the two kids are just living out any day from their childhood as they laugh, crack jokes and revel in the sort of on-screen camaraderie that shows two friends, at best, and hardly anyone who is in love.

In between their interactions we are also subjected to a highly irritating angle involving Zohra Sehgal, a role that was meant to come across endearing and instead falls flat on its face. There is also a highly underdeveloped sidetrack involving Salman Khan, who puts on his best "only for you, Sanjay" face and sleepwalks through his role. Rani Mukherjee plays Ranbir's prostitute friend, maybe because she enjoyed it so much in Laaga Chunari Mein Daag?

So you are made to sit through 2 hours and 20 minutes of what is essentially nothing, admirable as the cinematography and visuals may be. In fact, visually-speaking, it is a work of art...so put in a museum, not the cinema hall.

Most disappointing is Sonam's character sketch; her Sakina is a girl with almost no depth, and her entire interaction with Salman is so vague and poorly drawn-out that you are unable to feel anything for the character at all. And given the film largely revolves around her and Ranbir alone, it is highly necessary to at least somewhat empathize with the young lady who so intoxicates Ranbir that he can think of no one but her. Sonam, for her part, does a decent job with what she is given. She's undeniably pretty, but breaking into a giggle every five minutes hardly gives her any scope in what could have been a smashing debut.

Ranbir, on the other hand, scores big time in his first outing. His character is over-the-top, he is made to do some rather obnoxious (not to mention homoerotic, e.g. towel scene) sequences, and yet he manages to do them almost naturally. At times he overdoes it, but for his first film it's a very confident debut. Yes, there is somewhat of a Hrithik Roshan hangover in his mannerisms, enthusiasm and dance moves, but who doesn't try to recreate Hrithik's debut nowadays?

Rani does well and looks gorgeous, but her role is rather inconsequential. Both she and Salman (who literally does nothing other than mouth "hey, look at me, I'm Muslim" words like Assalamu alaikum, Khuda Hafiz and insha'Allah) are given such insipid roles that you feel for them for owing Sanjay enough to have to appear in the film to begin with.

The music is fantastic, no doubt. Although there is a song every five or so minutes, given the slow proceedings in the actual plot, you sit and pine for another song (which to me is always the sign of a bad film).

Call it expectations, if you will. Or just call it faith in a director who is capable of so much more. Whatever you want to call it, the only outcome 'it' has is disappointment. Maybe it's enough to watch for its visual beauty, Ranbir's "be all that I can be" attitude and some lovely tunes. Just prepare yourself for a confusing journey with one ultimate destination: Boredom.

Verdict? If you absolutely must, watch it for the sake of the kids (not yours - Rishi and Anil's).

It's a 'Daag' all right...

Regressive cinema with a capital R is the best way to summarize Laaga Chunari Mein Daag. Coming from the prestigious Yashraj banner and the maker of a gem like Parineeta, it is only fair for one to expect a polished and thoughtful film. Instead we get a hackneyed and misleading waste of time that goes a step further and actually tries to glamorize prostitution, as if it's just another product for perhaps our cricketers to endorse. Personally, I would gladly opt for Om Shanti Om's blatant Maybelline and Pepsi references (Read: Advertising) any day.

Moreover, the film so brutally deceives you. As any innocent and unsuspecting viewer would, you smile as the film's opening reels introduce you to the playful world of two sisters in Banaras, for once shown to be a colorful and inviting city as opposed to its dull and depressing depictions in recent films like Water and Banaras: A Mystical Love Story.

Cut to a few frames later and suddenly Mumbai gets to play the big bad wolf that devoured the elder sister (Rani Mukherjee) for breakfast. In all fairness, she did appear rather plump and thus fair game, so who is to blame here...the hungry wolf or Ms. Mukherjee's personal trainer?

In other words, to save her family from the brink of losing their home to their own scheming relatives, Rani takes off for the City of Dreams to earn the rupees so that her ailing father will give it a rest already about not having a 'breadwinner' son. Of course, when she lands in the city itself she suddenly realizes that there's not much she could do with no degree, zero English skills and...no place to stay. (What ever happened to think before you act?)

Of course, as we know from the previews, she opts to become a high-end call girl instead. So much for the 18 McDonald's branches that now grace the streets of Mumbai...or even the opportunity to clean bathrooms...or pick up trash...oh hell, with looks like hers, she could just pull a Nisha Kothari and start sleeping with Ram Gopal Varma. At least there's a film career to come out of that.

But no, prostitute it is, and what's more is that she is groomed to do so by her "modern, independent" flatmate. After teaching the naive Rani how to apply that liner, walk those heels and flaunt that Manish Malhotra couture, could the roommate not have just pointed Rani in the direction of a modeling agency? In any case, Family Clueless back in Banaras is thrilled that their oldest is somehow raking in the moolah; little do they know that she escorts old, balding men to a suite in the Taj (although Mama dearest, so nicely played by Jaya Bachchan, has a bit of a hunch and chooses to keep mum and drown her woes in ...stitching petticoats).

Of course, Sister No. 2 (Konkona Sen Sharma) turns out to be quite the smarty-pants and lands a great marketing job in the same exact city where her sister leads her clandestine whorish life. Go figure! Somehow, Sister No. 2 also manages to drop the braid and salwar kameez virtually overnight for layers and a power suit. Yeah...right. She also speaks enough English that you wonder why you never heard it before.

To cut a long story short, all's well that ends well. What else is expected when the director decides to pull a Raj Kumar Hirani and have Abhishek Bachchan waltz in as the angelic, do-gooder a la Lage Raho Munnabhai. (In the process, get ready for the most absurd exchange of dialogue you will ever witness in the history of Hindi cinema...do tell me when you will ever find a man who, upon learning that the woman he so dearly lusts after is actually a prostitute, says: "Until today, I thought I loved you. But after learning this, I love you even more" Good God, Abhishek. Did you not see (or count) the men she slept with? The day such a man exists is the day Salman Khan will get married.

Of course, Konkona is given a far more appealing love angle in the form of Kunal Kapoor, who puts on his best "I wish I was Hrithik Roshan" act and comes up trumps as an endearing and more realistic character.

That Rani, Konkona and Jaya Bachchan play their parts well goes without saying. The three are supremely talented actresses who can pull off virtually anything, but sadly they are undone by the ludicrous concept that surrounds the film.

Yes, prostitution is a huge problem in India (and many other countries at that). It is also true that many girls who enter cities with big hopes are often thrown into it by force, but to show Rani being flown out first-class to Zurich and strutting around in pretty clothing is hardly the face of real prostitution. And for her to get a rishta from a rich and handsome man who knew her for all of 24 hours and decided he would love her regardless of her situation is pure and utter rubbish. To feed that image to young girls and make it an okay "go-to" profession when in need of cash is shameful, to say the least.

The saddest part about the film is that it had all the potential in the world. A quality cast, a capable director (he has to have something if he managed Parineeta, or was that film really in fact ghost directed by Vidhu Vinod Chopra?) and a promising beginning...really, the scenes between the mother and two sisters in the first 20 minutes are both lovely and heart-warming. How it turned into such a mess is anyone's guess.

A poor soundtrack doesn't make the proceedings any easier. Barring the introductory song, Hum To Aise Hain Bhaiya, all other tunes are in that all-irritating Hinglish we pray is just a phase that Maine Pyaar Kyun Kiya should never have started.

On a side note, Abhishek Bachchan can be as politically correct as he pleases and continue to go on record by saying that his marriage to Aishwarya Rai has caused no friction whatsoever in his equation with favorite co-star Rani Mukherjee, but the painful interactions between the two is perhaps the tale of a failed relationship that wifey Rai clearly disapproves of. Never have Abhishek and Rani looked so void of chemistry.

Verdict? Steer clear of this street corner.

Conjugal Clothing?

Abhiwariya have done it again. After their choreographed salsa dance at Aishwarya's recent birthday, better known as Ash-Bash 2007, the couple we all love to hate graced the audio release of Gangotri in ...matching denim jeans and white collar shirts. The staple yet stale fashion statement notwithstanding, one can only assume they firmly believe that 'the couple that dresses together...stays together'. Cheesy much?

The good news is that the two are looking fit, and Abhi baby is on his way to outgrowing wifey's hair.

P.S. - We neither know what Gangotri is, nor do we particularly care.

Farah's Wit and Shahrukh's Charm

Illogical. Insipid. Outrageous. Extreme. Confused. Call it what you will, but there is no denying the fact that Om Shanti Om is one of the most entertaining films to release this year. Scratch that. It's one of the most entertaining films to release in a long time. Those who choose to actually analyze the film may find it reeking of flaws, but it is their mistake if they honestly think Farah Khan wanted to create a film that makes you think. Because what Farah has created is quite the opposite: it makes you laugh; it makes you smile; and it makes you believe that sheer entertainment is worth choosing over thoughtful cinema any day.

A parody of two generations of cinema, beginning with the 70s and later focusing on the new millennium, OSO tracks the life of junior artist Om Prakash Makhija (Shahrukh Khan) and his fascination with popular actress Shantipriya (newcomer Deepika Padukone). Somewhere along the way a reincarnation saga very reminiscent of Karz is introduced, and next thing you are dealing with starry brat Om Kapoor (SRK again), popularly known as OK. Without giving away too much of the story - although most of it is very much available online - there are also interesting characters in the forms of Pappu Master (Shreyas Talpade) and villainous producer Arjun Rampal.

Similar to Main Hoon Na, much of OSO is a parody of the film industry. What sets OSO apart from its predecessor, however, is that it is truly a laugh riot for the first two hours, at least, if not more, and never tries to become too serious. In edition, as a director Farah has improved leaps and bounds in terms of creativity and wit; it truly is a very clever film with so many digs at film cliches and stereotypes that film aficionados would be more than pleased with her efforts.

Watch out for scenes such as the South Indian shooting ("Mind it") scene, the 'all organ failure' film shoot and the Filmfare Awards ceremony; people who watch enough Indian films will know how hilarious and yet true the jokes are.

Also, every actor and actress under the sun makes an appearance in Farah & Shahrukh's labor of love. It really is heartwarming to see the support and unity that ties the industry together and shows that, despite the fights, drama and reported heat, they are willing to all come together and return the same good will that people like Farah and Shahrukh have shown them in the past.

Speaking of which, it's commendable that Shahrukh can take on two completely different roles (and many roles within these roles), make fun of himself (think Mohabbat-man, his tendency to arrive late on the sets and his identical Filmfare nominations), romance a heroine 21 years his junior and still come off convincing. He's lovable, he's charming, he's cute and he's funny. And he's not just being Shahrukh Khan. You can tell how much he loves this film, being produced under his banner and directed by one of his best friends, and Shahrukh clearly puts in his 200%. So if Farah tells him to build a six-pack and go Village People on the audience by dancing in a shirtless firefighter getup, he does it. And if she tells him to put on a red leather cowboy suit and fight a stuffed tiger, he does that, too. And never once does he come across like he's trying too hard.

Shreyas is also superb as Shahrukh's second-hand man, particularly in the first half. He's truly talented and oddly similar to fellow comedy colleague Ritiesh Deshmukh in both looks and style. It's a shame that Shreyas has to take a backseat in the second half, because he is at his best pre-intermission.

Arjun adds style and persona to the negative role he is given. He has come a long way over the years (and this is after he had already impressed in earlier films like Aankhein and Moksha), and he is sure to be talked about after OSO.

As for the alleged 'Find of the Year', Deepika Padukone, she more than lives up to the hype. Farah and Shahrukh have very smartly handled Ms. Padukone's debut, in that they do not give her any histrionics to display. Instead, she has a simple yet glamorous role and does very well with it. In addition, she looks absolutely stunning and excels in the dance sequences as well. Finally, there is a new find who not only looks good and dances well but has actual acting talent and potential, too! One thought that with all the know-nothing models walking around attempting to act of late, there would be no hope for finding future female acting talents, but Deepika defies that logic and makes the most of her debut. She will surely get offers galore. As mentioned, there may be nothing exceedingly difficult for her to do in terms of performance, but her dialogue delivery and expressions are spot on, particularly in the latter portions of the film.

The songs are all in good fun and a treat to watch. Deewangi Deewangi is the most thrilling due to cameos from virtually the whole industry (one cannot help but wonder where Sushmita Sen, Aishwarya Rai and Kareena Kapoor are, however). Dhoom Taana is hilarious to watch, while Aankhon Mein Teri (Ajab Si) and Main Agar Kahoon are beautiful in terms of lyrics, vocals and melody.

The only downside of the film is that it gets carried away in the last half hour. The climax is a little over the top, but a so-so final 30 minutes are more than forgiven when the first 2 hrs and 15 minutes are full of pure entertainment. And do not leave during the end credits - it is highly admirable that Farah gives each and every unit member a moment to shine. She clearly recognizes the worth of her entire team, and her own appearance at the end is sure to put a smile on your face. Gauri Khan looking positively radiant is also one to watch out for.

Verdict? Absolutely recommended. But if you're looking for logic, don't say I didn't warn you.

When SRK is Away, KJ Will Play

Spotted: Karan Johar attending the Saawariya premiere in Mumbai. We wonder what boy toy Shahrukh Khan thinks of his BFF making an appearance at a film that was most definitely not Om Shanti Om...

No Wait, There's More

Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, more pictures from that dreadful "fashion" (if you can call it that) spectacle known as the Saawariya premiere have surfaced...


Amrita Rao
The color works, the dress does not. It would have been a decent attempt had that transparent frill at the bottom not come in the way. And those shoes are plain awful...Ms. Rao, you have a magnificent figure. Why attract attention to your knee caps and ankles? The bling on the wrist is also a huge no-no.
Grade: C+ (points for the color and overall cut of the dress, but major deductions for that frill and mismatching shoes)










Dia Mirza
Not really known for her dress sense, Dia didn't really help her case by showing up in this ill-fitted maid's outfit. She had a nice blend of colors going, but for some reason the former pageant queen opted to hide her frame under a maternity shirt and pair it with pants that look like black skinny jeans gone wrong.
Grade: D+ (it's not a total disaster; the colors save her from reaching complete and utter failure)













Alisha Chinnai
This isn't your wedding, Chinnai. And even if it were, I pray to God that you would not dress like that.
Grade: F (she was always rather strange to begin with)















Soha Ali Khan
Being both Sharmila Tagore's daughter and Saif Ali Khan's kid sister is no easy task. Soha does a rather nice job of playing it safe with an elegant sari. The color's a bit loud, but there's nothing wrong with being bold, provided you go about it in a trendy manner.
Grade: B+ (it's the least we can give her when the spotlight was clearly on big bro and his new beau)













Sridevi
Now that is what we call class. In a dazzling sari that would surely put a huge grin on Karan Johar's face, one wishes all of the young starlets would take a leaf out of Madame Sri's book. The silver detailing is exquisite, and the halter is sexy. Age does nothing to this stunner, seen here with husband Boney Kapoor and daughter Jhanvi.
Grade: A










Akshaye Khanna
Suave and sophisticated, Akshaye looks rather handsome in his a grey suit and tie. But will someone please tell me where exactly the sun can be found?
Grade: A- (the shades are stylish, but come on Mr. Khanna...it's an evening premiere at an indoor venue)

Kareena officially gets more points for the sexy back.