Entertainment in Times of Strike

The battle between the producers and the multiplexes might mean that no films will be hitting the marquee any time soon, but certainly there are a couple of DVDs you could (and should) enjoy from the comforts of your home...hence I am going to do this in more of a 'round-up' format rather than the detailed review to either persuade or dissuade your trip to the local cinema.

The President is Coming

What: One of the earlier and largely overlooked releases of 2009, this hilarious film (adapted from a play of the same name) chronicles a contest in which one 'young Indian' will be chosen to shake hands with President Bush during his 2006 visit to India. Get ready for a lighthearted running commentary on topics ranging from feminism to homosexuality and regionalism to globalization.

Who: Konkona Sen Sharma leads the way as a pretentious novelist whose lyrics poke fun at the likes of Arundhati Roy and Jhumpa Lahiri; acclaimed character artist Lilette Dubey's daughter - Ira Dubey - makes a welcome entry as an Indian version of Paris Hilton. Vivek Gomber (Rohit), Namit Das (Ramesh), Satchit Puranik (Ajay)...everyone deserves a mention, really. Hats off to debutante director Kunaal Roy Kapur for bringing together a quirky ensemble cast that is more than up to the challenge.

Warning: Certainly not a family film by any means...if you are embarrassed easily, watch it with your friends or on your own.

Verdict? The mention of George W. Bush has never spelled this much fun.


Billu Barber

What: It's the stuff child bedtime stories from your nani/dadi were made of: a small town with simpleton people interrupted by the grandeur of a popular but humble king. Albeit here it refers to a barber (Irrfan Khan) and his unbelievable friendship with superstar Sahir Khan (Shahrukh Khan playing a variation of his real-life persona). It's actually made more so with the kids in mind, but adults will find a nice message and perhaps enjoy what is at the film's sweet core.
Who: Irrfan seldom gets it wrong, and here he is able to be his unsuspectingly good self. Lara Dutta is a pleasant surprise in an ordinary role as his wife. And yes, there is Shahrukh who struts in every now and then to perhaps be a little kinder to everyone than he is in real life. But he certainly does a nice job in the climax by keeping his monologue on the restrained side (see what happens when buddy KJ isn't at the helm?).
Warning: Don't be fooled by Shahrukh's item numbers with various members of the industry's elite. Those are about the only aspects of 'commercial' cinema to be found, but rather the film is essentially about an extremely simple tale of friendship. It moves at quite a sluggish pace, so you must have patience.
Verdict? Shahrukh the producer is even smarter than Shahrukh the actor - the film does not promise great heights and therefore doesn't necessarily deliver them. Instead it is what it is: a sweet and simple film laden with a downright absurdly catchy soundtrack and welcome item number insertions featuring Gen X Deepika Padukone, Priyanka Chopra and Kareena Kapoor; ah yes, and with a proper moral of the story to boot.

Beauty and the Geek, a la Bollywood

I'm going to do this a little different than I normally do, so as to break the mold a little and make for easier reading. That Aditya Chopra's Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi - coming eight years after Mohabbatein (2000) and more than a decade after his modern classic debut with Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge (1995) - is the year's most anticipated film is no secret. It is also no secret that in these past two weeks alone it has broken about every worldwide record around as far as Hindi films are concerned. But to what extent does the film itself live up to the hype? The question can perhaps best be answered with a classic case of the Good, the Bad and the Ugly...

The Good:

Novelty: An average, working man marries a much younger girl due to unforeseen circumstances and decides upon the best way to win her heart. Since when do Yashraj films even depict the average, working man? Many plus points for this one.
Loveable leads: 1) Shahrukh Khan's Surinder Sahni is incredibly sweet, someone you truly feel for, even if his logic does irritate you at times. He's like that awkward neighbor who meets you in the lift and very politely says 'hello' but never oversteps his boundaries, and 2) Anushka Sharma's Taani, too, is at times tough to understand, but it's nice to see that she is far from the perfect, saccharine heroines we are often accustomed to. You see her lifestyle with Suri, and you just get her and her motives in what she does.
Performances: Shahrukh truly shines as Suri - it's a heartwarming effort from someone who has pretty much tried and tested just about everything. You can see the little bits of improv that were there in a film like Om Shanti Om, not to mention every time Suri looks at Taani, you can almost see the love in his eyes. Anushka is a welcome addition to the plethora of new actresses on the scene. She is mighty cute and charming and never overplays her part, nor is she simply makeshift. She is given a variety of emotions to work with, and she essays the part like a natural, no simple task when you are matched up against Shahrukh in your first film.
Melodious music: It takes a bit of time to grow on you, but seeing the songs on screen make them somewhat irresistible. Haule Haule is an instant favorite, the accordion also making up a significant part of the background music, while Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai is simply lovely. There are only four songs, which help proceedings greatly in a 2 hr 45 minute film.
Choreography: In a film largely centered around dance, they do well to incorporate the dances, as well as elevate the level of skill in the actual sequences. Anushka is a great dancer, although it is the number she is not in - Phir Milenge Chalte Chalte - that stands out as a work of visual art, a fitting tribute to Bollywood heroes/heroines over the years, even if you do sense a major Om Shanti Om hangover.
Beginning and End: The film opens extremely well, setting up a very intriguing journey, and it ends almost equally well. The last half hour really pulls you back in, as emotions run high and you feel you are in familiar Yashraj territory.

The Bad:

Faulty plot: The premise is novel, but the plot is not without its glaring flaws. How Taani cannot see that Raj is Suri's alter-ego is beyond anyone, with even his voice being the same as that of her husband's. Also, the transition Suri makes to Raj is far too immediate, even if he is trying to mimic what he sees in films. It would have been so nice to see some awkward moments of Suri trying to become Raj, figuring out a walk, a way of speaking, interacting, rather than just being him with the snap of a finger.
Shahrukh Khan: How is he both good and bad? If his portrayal of Suri is touching, that of Raj is downright obnoxious. He is too loud and too much of a caricature to even like, let alone love. How Taani can fall for him is anyone's guess, as it is only in Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai that we see any nice gestures from him. Yes, he's a mockery of a lot of on-screen personas that Shahrukh himself has played, but somewhere the joke is lost, and Raj becomes Shahrukh Khan just "playing Shahrukh Khan". And that, my friends, is my most unbiased opinion as an ardent Shahrukh admirer since the time I began watching Hindi films.
Pacing: Dear oh dear does this film drag in the middle. For that wonderful beginning and end, there is a repetitive middle where you aren't really sure what they are going for. Raj is annoying, Suri and Taani hardly interact, and you wonder where the 'extraordinary story in every ordinary jodi' went. The placing of Phir Milenge Chalte Chalte is also as random as they come, and it hardly makes sense why Taani will imagine Raj with other leading ladies rather than herself, not to mention why she imagines Raj as a capable dancer when he has been nothing short of disastrous in front of her.
Sumo Suri?: The entire scene with the sumo wrestler leans more on the absurd side and overstays its (non-existent) welcome. Wasn't there any other extreme activity Suri could have engaged in to make his lady love smile?

I suppose the Good and the Bad should suffice, fortunately it doesn't get too 'ugly'. The main plus point is the film's simplicity, in that there are basically three characters, Shahrukh, Anushka and Vinay Pathak as Suri's best friend and one main storyline. At times it's perhaps too simple, but the best thing about keeping it simple is that people will come out calling it a 'nice' film. So maybe we expect more than 'nice' from Adi Chopra, but let's face it - he is unlikely to recreate DDLJ for as long as his career goes, and not every film he makes will be epic.

Verdict? The love story may not be 'extraordinary', but its jodi is heartwarming enough to justify the price of admission.

Style Watch

Call it the Indian version of When Bad Clothes Happen to Good People...but the Mumbai premiere of Saawariya consisted of the worst Red Carpet round-up perhaps witnessed in modern times. Just when we thought our Indian celebs were getting trendier by the day, the B-wood glitterati decided to take fashion faux pas to another level...

Priyanka Chopra
The skinny jeans fit well, and even the gold heels are of reasonable compliment. But good lord, what is with that top? This, my friends, is East Meets West at its ugly best. Even on its own, the overly-done peacock detailing is utterly tacky, and the velvet blue trim at the bottom looks out of place. One wonders what Ms. Chopra was thinking when she draped this shapeless piece over her otherwise fit body. Let me add: You do not carry a cream snakeskin purse with gold sandals and a heavily-detailed top. So much for that Koffee with Karan award for Best Dressed...
Grade: D- (we'll give her at least a point-and-a-half for the nicely-fitting jeans and heels...and because she's that hot)

Lara Dutta

Ms. Chopra could seek comfort in the fact that her apparent arch-rival Lara Dutta put on an even more hideous display by choosing to dress in a medieval bedspread. Apart from the flowing churidar that's about as outdated as Ranbir Kapoor's hairstyle, the mixing of fabrics is downright atrocious. The gold accent shouts Xena the Warrior Woman (cause she was oh-so fashionable), and the yellow peasant sleeves do little to help her case. And that print...why God why? Leave it on your pillowcase, Ms. Dutta. Hands down, the worst dressed of the night.
Grade: F- (for inflicting this massacre on the unsuspecting public)

Salman Khan
The less said about Lara's on-screen 'Partner', the better. Ever since Sallu proclaimed he was in love with Govinda's stylist, we knew there was no digging him out of the grave he quite frankly dug for himself. But embroidering your crotch area is about as low as you can get (no pun intended). One wonders if he was taken in by the beaming lights that glimmer from the Saawariya sets, but one also wishes he did not apply that same attention to...that region. Paired with that a glittering Rolling Stones tee under a rather dapper black leather jacket, and Sallu is about as clueless as Kim Sharma when she speaks.

Grade: D (points for the jacket, only...)

Rani Mukherjee
Not known for her off-screen dress sense, Rani usually plays it pretty safe in traditional wear. Though not disastrous, here she is caught doing what she does best: boring us to tears. Not to mention, she has most definitely worn this before, and I will make it my goal to find out when and where. Moreover, it is not at all complimentary to her not-so-frail frame.

Grade: C (it ain't the worst, but it leaves a lot to be desired)

Hema Malini
If only Hemaji had stuck to the elegant saris that uphold her iconic status. This Chinese-inspired jacket looks like it belongs on a waitress. Although Vidya Balan is not all that visible, she seems to be rocking the black...only in a rather blasé manner.
Grade: C (she's older, it's only fair we give her some extra leeway for not being acquainted with trends from the modern fashion world)

Amisha Patel
She can't act, she can't dance and evidently she can't dress either. It's not easy to get a sari wrong, but somehow Ms. Patel manages to do just that in this absurd concoction of metallic, chiffon embroidery and...bright pink florals. How the gold clutch relates is any one's guess. And no, matching your lipstick to the flamingo pink does not help.
Grade: F (for being loud, tacky and just for being Amisha Patel)

Sonali Kulkarni

A body suit...seriously....seriously? Not that body suits should ever be worn, but at least have the figure for it. After all, if you've got it, flaunt it...but if you don't, kindly hide it. And hide your underwear, while you're at it.
Grade: F- (at the risk of sounding repetitive, seriously?)

Kangana Raunat
The red is hot, the skin show is not. The odd-looking Kangana flaunts her non-existent torso in a red chiffon sari. Nothing is wrong with the sari, but perhaps an actual blouse rather than a bra would give her that extra bit of class. Also, something must be done with that puffy hair and vampire makeup. Also, an alternate-colored purse and pair of shoes would do her some good. There's sexy red, and then there's a bloodbath.
Grade: B- (kudos for trying and looking better than the rest of the lot)

Those Who Prevailed

Hrithik & Suzanne Roshan
Well, it was more of Hrithik who prevailed rather than his wife. It seems the 't-shirt under blazer with jeans and white trainers' is Duggu's new favorite look. It was the same look that won him the Best Dressed on Koffee with Karan and recent Style Icon award but also similar to what he sported when picking up the Most Stylish Male award at the 2007 MTV Lycra Style Awards. Fair enough, Duggu...rock on while you're still young and hot. His batter half, on the other hand, was a little blah in a highly-sequined baby pink top that reminds one of how doting mothers dress their helpless tots for weddings. The shoes are too casual, but hats off to Mrs. Roshan for looking that fit after recently pushing out the cute couple's first child.
Grade: B (mostly due to Hrithik, but he loses points for the male skinny jeans with apparent slit at the bottom)

Sushmita Sen
The stunning Sushmita could very well have been attending friend Farah Khan's Om Shanti Om premiere in an obvious reprisal of her acclaimed Main Hoon Na sexy sari routine. The color does wonders for her curiously tanner complexion, and the jewelry is simple yet effective. Now if only someone would name that conspicuous fellow accompanying her in the lazy white salwar kameez.
Grade: B+ (how's about a sequel to Main Hoon Na?)

Urmila Matondkar & Tusshar Kapoor
We have no idea why on earth they appeared together, or perhaps it was just the cameramen making it seem that way, but at least they made the effort to look somewhat trendy. There may be a little too much going on with Urmila's sari, but it manages to be daring without overstepping that fine line between trying something different and trying too much. The teal is also lovely, paired with a simple black blouse given the sari itself has enough design to sustain itself. Tusshar, much as I hate to admit, looks rather contemporary in a pair of dark jeans with a black button-down and black blazer. The black belt is a nice accent...well done, Tusshar. It looks like you're not completely useless after all.
Grade: A- (there's obvious grade inflation what with the overall debacle of the rest)

Rekha

Age is no match for Rekhaji as she stuns in a crystal-embroidered banarasi sari. She looks every bit as opulent as the film on display. The likes of Karan Johar would be very proud. Who is the mystery man (or should I say boy)?

The Winners

Saif Ali Khan & Kareena Kapoor

Hate 'em or love 'em, they are perhaps the hottest couple on the market. Saif is sexiness personified in a solid black blazer with jeans, and then there is that stubble...Kareena, meanwhile, has never looked better. After the stunning Manish Malhotra dress she sported at the 2007 Filmfare Awards and now this chic and sexy sari, she's fast becoming one of the better dressed celebs out there. The black and red is a classic mix, and she shows off just the right amount of her newly-toned physique. The turquoise accent is a stroke of genius, and one can only imagine it is Mr. Malhotra at the helm yet again.
Grade: A (how more ideal can a situation be where every guy wants to be Saif, and every girl wants to be Kareena)

Why God Why?

Some films should never be made. They may have all the elements of a good film - a competent director, a reasonably exciting star cast, a couple of catchy tunes and visibly high production values. Nonetheless, I repeat, they should never be made.

Now it is one thing if the script on paper seems like a worthy idea. There are many instances when you watch a not-so-great film and, while you are disappointed with the outcome, you can see how the original plan seemed fine but the execution was flawed.

In the sad case of Jhoom Barabar Jhoom, one can't seem to comprehend how the idea ever seemed appealing to begin with. The film tells the sorry tale of four blithering idiots: Abhishek Bachchan, a smart-talking and good-for-nothing pendu, most commonly found standing around the corners of Southall; Preity Zinta, an absurd and so-called Muslim who simultaneously shouts out in defense of Pakistan and Muslims while also chanting about how she has slept with some ridiculous amount of men; Bobby Deol as a very wooden millionaire who talks in a monotone, clearly reading from the script voice; and Lara Dutta, a French/Indian hotel manager whom it is difficult to understand more than half the time.

Ah yes, there is also Amitabh Bachchan as a horrendously-clad gypsy of some sort - you know, the kind your parents once told you to avoid at all costs? The very sight of him in this film is shocking and frankly, completely unnecessary.

Maybe the characters are somewhat unique, but they are for the most part incoherent and intolerable. The first half of the film - where Abhishek and Preity are telling one another about their (not-so) respectable love interests - is downright unbearable. You almost contemplate switching the film off, but something inside of you wonders if it could possibly get better. Instead, the story goes no where and instead you encounter a 30-minute dance marathon with the same title song reappearing for a second and third outing in this blasphemous enterprise.

One would hope the star quality would lift the film, but the performances leave much to be desired. Abhishek tries very hard, but it's not some fantastic role that can lift the film from the dumps in which it resides. Bobby is a poor excuse of an actor in the first half, but his Mama's boy routine in the second half is far more appreciated. Preity is loud, obnoxious and Botox-ed like there is no tomorrow. It's sad, really, given one of her better performances just came last summer in the form of Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna, but it seems that was nothing short of a diamond in the rough. Lara somehow manages to speak in French-accented Hindi and sound plausible - sadly, the act itself is so irritating that it overbears her effort. She's done quite well in the film, but once again - no single actor is about to salvage this disaster.

The music consists of the same song, Jhoom Barabar Jhoom, in three forms. The best two are those showcased in the dance contest - JBJ and Jhoom Barabar Jhoom. Bol Na Halke Halke is a very nice song, but the entire sequence involving the song is completely nonsensical and one of the worst attempts at triggering romance in a Hindi film. The less said about songs like Ticket to Hollywood and Kiss of Love, the better. The titles themselves say enough.

The biggest question mark in the film? Shaad Ali. For someone who made his directorial debut with Saathiya, something that was unique, consistent, laden with fine performances and, of course, a musical gem, Shaad has certainly catapulted into an almost B-grade venture. There was an all right Bunty Aur Babli in the middle, thanks to the charm of Abhishek and Rani, again a fun musical score and, barring the climax, an enjoyable ride. Yet how the same director could create such a massacre will perhaps remain the unsolved mystery of his career.

Verdict? Don't even THINK about it.